March 2, 2019
I wish, oh, I wish I knew where I got this. If I had to guess, it might have come from Karla McLaren. My file date of creation is 2008. But I’ve had it way before that because my daughter and I began using it when she was about eleven. And continued to use it as needed throughout her teens. It is a priceless tool for a relationship. Any relationship.
We used to sit at the kitchen table. Any spot in your home that is neutral, pleasing, and conducive to connecting is an excellent place to take turns sharing. Sharing means you take turns answering for telling the other your response to each of the six. You could share all six things every day. You could share one a day for six days. You could sit and communicate once a month. Then notice the impact on your relationship.
- Express an appreciation about your life, the other person, some thing, a place, an event, or anything good in your life.
- Offer a bit of new information about something you’re feeling, something that happened to you, some new learning, something that you want to share.
- Talk about something that puzzles you, an issue you’re trying to understand, a quirky thing someone said to you, a not-quite-complete bit of knowledge.
- Talk about something that’s bugging you or irritates you. First, say what is working for you, then make your valid complaint with a request* for change. Explain how you would like this particular thing to change. See below.
- Talk about your wishes, hopes, dreams, or anything you'd like to happen to you or how you would like to be regarding anything — school, work, family, friends, etc. It can be a hope for today, for five years from now, or for all time.
- Ask a loved one: “What do I do that lets you know I love you?” Or “What do I do that lets you know I care about you?”
- Committed Speaker — Take the time to face the person, look them in the eye, giving them the fullness of your attention.
- Committed Listener — Be present and aware, not engaged in something else.
- Future Action — State the future action you desire as precisely as possible.
- Time Frame — Ask for an exact time frame, a specific day and time by which your request shall be met.
- Conditions of Satisfaction — Explicitly list all requirements in detail that will satisfy your request. If one doesn't state all conditions, it would be easy to blame the other for not fulfilling the request.
- Mood of the Request — Notice your emotional state during your request. Notice the emotional state of the listener. If either's emotional status does not seem like it will serve your request, consider asking what is behind the emotion. Or delay your request for another time.
- Context and Background — Inform the listener what else is going on or what else has happened in the past so they may have a broad and adequate understanding of the request.
- Sincerity — Match what you are saying with what you are thinking and feeling inside.
* * *
I am going to add a third part for consideration.
Draw a circle. Then beneath that draw a heart. One is one's head; one is one's heart.
Head is the location of logic, rationalization, justification, explanation, direction, strategies, concrete plans and action. If you express yourself while you are totally in your head, the chances of doing harm are significant. Why? There is no compassion, forgiveness, or empathy in the head. And oh yeah, Ego lives in the head.
Heart contains cells receptive to emoting and emotion and is surrounded by an ultra-sensitive electromagnetic field. Heart is the location of physiologic coherence, congruence sensing, authenticity, compassion, deep knowing, and intuition. If you express yourself while you are totally in your heart, you have no boundaries and no sense of self. While Spiritually being pure Love might be a worthy way of being, on the Earth plane it might not serve you 100% of the time.
Draw a line between the circle and heart. Then draw an arrow outward.
The space between one’s head and heart is the place of pure potentiality and omnipotence. One might choose to balance the head and heart. What is born then comes out via the throat, the voice box — the place of free-will and self-expression, full of positive intent.
Anything communicated from a place of balance between head and heart will likely be received well. And if not, then you are accountable for your part only. So, check your balance and be open to simply planting seeds. For now.